


Too little time

by ravenadottir



Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:53:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23737147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenadottir/pseuds/ravenadottir
Summary: Lottie spent the entire time in the Villa being your friend. You were close and trusted each other and the friendship between you looked like it was gonna take off, once on the outside.Except for one thing. On the night she left, you went to the bedroom to help her pack her things, after her elimination.it didn't take too long, or too much, for you to kiss.Her feelings, yours. Your partner's.It wasn't easy to take the money and dump your partner, but you didn't want to deceive them into thinking they had a chance.Because after kissing Lottie, it was hard not to think about her, and it would be cruel to pretend it didn't mean anything to you.
Relationships: Lottie/Gary Rennell, Lottie/Main Character (Love Island)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 41





	1. The Hotel Room

Lottie looks pensive, with her back against a wall and a drink in her hand. She doesn’t look well, swirling the short, icy glass, staring at its content.

You think to yourself. “Should I approach her? Seems a little invasive. It’s not like we were close, and after the last time, who knows what she’s thinking.”

You grab a champagne glass from a tray nearby, trying to build up the courage to go to her. You don’t even know if Gary knows. You were mates, but neither you or Lottie tried, or wanted, to prevent that kiss and that conversation yesterday.

You remember running your hands on her back, grabbing her waist, as you dominated her. The flick of your tongue, finding hers, and drawing her even more into your embrace.

“She seemed to be enjoying herself. And I remember strawberries… Definitely, some strawberries were involved. You’ve kissed girls before, you dated girls…why is this one in your head? Lottie? That’s ridiculous. Pull yourself together.” Your thoughts are too loud for your taste.

You see your ex-partner in the distance. His gaze falls on you, and he scowls, not trying to disguise their anger. Gary is talking to him and as he sees you, he approaches you.

“Alright?” his tone is not his usual friendly tone.

“Yeah, fine.”

“I know why you look so weird.” he says, offering you another glass, his face unreadable.

“You do?!” you can’t contain your voice.

“I mean, everyone saw it. How could I not know?”

“I’m sorry Gary. I am. It’s just… I couldn’t help myself. At that moment, she was there, I was there. I panicked, thinking we were having a moment! I’m sorry… I’m blabbing, but the kiss happened, and even though we’re mates, I owe you an apology. I really do. I didn’t mean to kiss Lottie. I mean, I did... But like… I didn’t even think about anything else at that moment! You know what I mean?” you trail off, talking too fast.

He shakes his head, following, or trying to follow your every move and gesture, along with your speeded speech. His eyes go a little wide, as you continue to blab nervously.

“Hey! Calm down…” Gary raises his hands, a soft smile on his lips. “You kissed Lottie. What can I do about it, right?” he holds his tumbler of scotch, cool as a cucumber.

“Wait! You’re not mad?”

“I’m hardly in love with the bird. She’s not exactly who I thought I was gonna end up with, you know?”

You raise your eyebrows. “Why stick with her, then?”

Gary sighs after taking a sip of his drink. “Alright... we’re mates. I feel like I can be honest with you. First it was Hannah. Not the best start. Always talking about books… It’s not like I don’t like the book talk, but the way she talked to me was… what’s the word?” he keeps snapping his fingers, searching for the right expression.

“Demeaning?” you suggest, timidly.

“Exactly!” he snaps his fingers, once more, resolutely. “You know me pretty well, so you know what happened there. Then, Marisol. She didn’t even try, she cheated on me with the biggest douchebag I’ve ever met and… and then, I thought you would, maybe… you know…” he gestures to you.

“Pick you?”

“Yes… I wanted you to pick me.” He smiles sadly. “But I knew Lottie made everything difficult for you and me to get together, so you picked...”

“Not that it matters… we broke up. There’s nothing to it, anyway.”

“Ballsy move to take the money and dump them, by the way.”

“Ballsy gal, Gary. You know that.”

“I do…” he chuckles. “So, anyway. Lottie picking me, the Disaster Recoupling and everything that came after, I guess I just… just settled. But honestly? You were the girl I wanted a chance with. I think most guys can agree…” he waves his finger on the air, pointing to a few of the boys from the Villa.

“Even Bobby? I think I hurt him pretty bad.”

“Well, if you whistle, he will come running to you, for sure. He’s still into you, after everything. And I don’t think ending up with Hannah was in his plans.”

“I don’t think ending up with Hannah is anyone’s plan.”

Gary laughs, visibly relaxed.

“I like talking to you. You’re funny. Maybe that’s why I wanted my chance with you. You get me, you know?”

“I’m sorry, Gary.”

“No, don’t be. It’s a good thing we became friends. You’re the only one in the villa that I opened up about myself like that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah… you’re more than a hot girl I wanted to date. You’re a true mate. And you kissing Lottie? Doesn’t matter. We weren’t gonna last anyway…” he laughs, taking a quick sip.

“I’m sorry for that.”

“Sorry? I’m single and don’t have to make all these big changes! I don’t wanna sound rude, but barbecue and shrimp for Christmas? It would have to be the girl of my dreams for me to do that.”

“I get it. It’s hard to make a change.” You shift on your feet, grabbing another drink from the tray.

“More than that. It’s hard to make a change for someone you don’t even love, mate. But hey, don’t feel sorry for me. I’m gonna find her one day.”

“And if you do… poor girl.”

“Hey, hey! I told you before.” you repeat what he said, as he says it and you both speak in unison.

“Quality banter and a great sense of humor.”

“Like I said before, Gary. Great sense of humor and dad jokes are not the same.” you smile.

“I know for a fact you’re gonna miss my jokes, ma’am!”

You see Noah waving Gary off and you tip him, with a nod, he waves back.

“I’m being summoned. See you later?”

“Sure.”

He gives you a peck on the cheek, and a one-arm hug before turning to leave. Noah waves at you, as well, with a grin. Gary whispers closely to your ear, before going away. “Look, if you’re thinking about going there, just go. Overthinking is not really your thing. You shouldn’t start now.”

“Wow… thanks.” You nod with a smug smile. “You know me so well, mate.”

You were so focused on your conversation, you didn’t realize Lottie is not in the same spot, anymore. You begin to wander around the party, nodding along, as people say “hi” or wave. You see Chelsea, talking and gesturing to the boredom of Marisol, who adjusts her glasses, the other hand holding Graham’s.

You go into the kitchen, discreetly searching, getting another glass. Sipping on it, with eager eyes and looking into the small cliques all over the lawn, you decide to step in the house. Maybe she’s inside.

You move to the living room, closet, hallway. Nothing. Maybe the bedroom or the dressing room? You follow the stairs, suddenly, being hit by a strong scent of sandalwood.

You turn the knob to enter the room you used to dress up. “She was here for sure.”

But no one is at plain sight. Turning to leave, you feel a presence behind you. The scent becomes stronger. You shift your feet to turn around, but a hand holds you in place.

A raspy feminine voice asks you not to move, so you stay put.

You feel a breath on the back of your neck, immediately the smell of strawberries, coming from the lips that now kiss your bare shoulder. You close your eyes, trying to enjoy the moment.

Her warm breath makes your hairs stand on end. It’s easier to turn around, once she’s distracted. “Hi.”

“Hi… Lottie.” you say, looking at her lips, her dark lipstick intact. “Why all the mystery?”

“Why not?” she smiles, lips parted, eyes searching for yours.

“Do you wanna talk?”

“No.”

“Do you wanna get out of here?”

“Yes.”

You too don’t talk on your way out of the party. Without acknowledging anyone else, you step outside, crossing the gate and hailing one of the cabs, on the other side of the street. They stop by the curb, and you both get in.

Not holding back, you start kissing.

Your hands hold her face gently, kissing her deeply, hungrily. You’ve been craving that strawberry balm since yesterday. Today, you are single, free and 50k richer.

The car doesn’t travel far. You do the check-in, on the front desk of the hotel and grab your keycards, taking the elevator, going against every impulse to not touch her in public.

You don’t make a move, not yet.

Your room is a couple of doors from the elevator. She holds your hand, as soon as you reach your door, squeezing it, firmly. Her voice comes out bashful and cracking, but low. “I’ve never done this before.”

Your thumb grazes her cheek, softly. “I have... you’re in great hands, if you want to.”

“I wanna go in…” she smiles, looking at the spikes of her high heels.

“Then come in.”

She smiles sheepishly and follows you in the bedroom. “I can’t believe I’m here with you.” Lottie sits uncomfortably on the edge of the bed, examining her surroundings.

“Are you okay, Lottie?”

“Yeah, no… yeah. I think. I don’t know...”

“If you’re not comfortable, it’s alr…”

“No, it’s not that.” She cuts you short, raising one hand. “It’s just… I don’t even know where to start.”

“How do you usually do this?” you ask, looking at her expectantly, taking off your jacket.

“Come on, it’s not the same thing. You’re… a girl.”

“Am I? Really? I never realized.” You grin, staying in place. She chuckles, a little more relaxed.

“I’m serious. I’ve never been with a girl before. I don’t even know if I wanna be with girls... or if I just wanna be with… you. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah... I do.” You approach her, slowly. “Look, there are plenty of ways to find out.”

“Like…?”

“We can kiss again. We can make out, and if you feel uncomfortable, we stop.”

Her face lights up in surprise. “Really? You wouldn’t be upset if we stopped?”

“If someone gets upset because you don’t wanna make out with them anymore, you shouldn’t be making out with them in the first place. Doesn’t matter if it’s a guy or a girl. That’s just bullshit.”

She smiles with relief. “Agreed. So… should we kiss? Like right now?”

“If you want to.”

“I do. I really do.” she shifts on her seat, trying to make a ring with her arms, awkwardly moving toward you.

“Lottie?”

“Yeah?”

“Relax…”

“I thought I was… relaxed.” She sighs.

“Look, if you really wanna do this, but you’re scared, close your eyes.”

“Close my eyes? How’s that gonna help?” she crosses her arms.

“Just, trust me. Close them.”

She squints at you, at first but then, obeys. You smile to see her, sitting on the edge of the mattress, vulnerable. You take a seat next to her, pulling a strand of her hair, and putting it behind her ear.

She shudders with a light chuckle, facing down. You move to get closer to her face and peck her cheek, lightly, luring a soft smile from her dark lips.

Your hands go on her back, up and down, just caressing it with a light touch. You place one of her hands on your own leg, close to your knee. She smiles cheekily, showing a dimple on her beetroot red cheeks.

You move your face a little closer, this time, you kiss her cheek a little deeper. Your lips roaming on her jaw, to her hairline, you whisper, close to her ears. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah...” she responds with a faint moan, eyes still closed.

“Do you want me to kiss your lips? 

She takes a deep breath. “Yes.” she turns to you, waiting for your move.

Your parted lips brush lightly on hers. You wait for her reaction and don't take her too long to kiss you back, gently, making you smile.

After pulling away, you talk, close to her mouth. “I’m gonna kiss you again.”

She shudders once more, but visibly, more relaxed.

You nip on her bottom lip, involving her in a spiral, by kissing her deeply, grazing your hands on the sides of her face. She kisses you back, in the same intensity, light hums coming from her.

Her hands, before, propped on the bed, now search for your waist and back, running up, to grab the back of your neck. Lottie opens her eyes, apprehensive, but eager. “Show me? Please?”

“Of course.” you say firmly, but tenderly. You lie down, bringing her to lie with you, facing each other. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes…” she nods.

“Close your eyes.” She immediately does.

You prop on your elbow, facing her, cupping her chin. The kisses restart as you run your hands on the sides of her body, feeling the lace of her dress. You move closer, sliding your one arm under her head, so you embrace her.

She hooks her arms around you, your lips always touching. This time you don’t stop, neither does she. She puts one of her legs over yours, and carelessly, lets your hands explore her body. From the back, to her hip, she giggles. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” You smile fondly, biting your lip as you see her shyness.

Lottie restarts, brushing her lips on yours, and you feel the flick of her tongue, letting you both sink into the kiss. You roll on top of her, slowly, lifting her dress, running your fingers up as you massage her thighs. She moans, getting a hold of your hand.

“Did I go too far?” you ask, a hint of worry in your eyes.

She shakes her head and proceeds to guide your hand, even higher. “Am I being too hasty?” Lottie’s voice is timid as she breathes heavily, biting her lips.

“No, Lottie. If you want me there, that’s where I’ll be.”

You position yourself, lifting the bottom of her outfit. She sits on the bed, raising her arms, allowing you to take it off completely, sliding it over her head, tossing it over your shoulder.

Her dark purple lingerie is gorgeous. Lace and stones crafted together, forming large black roses on the edges of her underwear. You move your hands on her back, untying her bra, luring her fascinated gaze, feeling you unhooking it with one hand.

You laugh at the look on her face, when you do it in one attempt. “I wear them too, you know.”

“Right… I forgot.” she blushes, giggling shortly.

You plant your palm on her chest, indicating for her to lie on her back. She holds your hand with both of hers, and kisses the tip of your fingers, one by one.

Sinking your lips on her smooth skin, you work your way down, from her neck to her waistline. She clutches your head with a delicate touch, moaning quietly, guiding you from one side of her chest, to the other as your tongue works on her breasts.

You’re hungry. You wanna go downwards, but you wait, exploring every inch of her upper body, increasing the moans spilling from her mouth. They become groans when you take off her lace bottoms.

Lottie is looking at you, as if she’s seeing you for the first time. You feel in control, and there’s an unspoken trust hovering in the air. More than discomfort, or discovery.

You hear her whispering your name, looking up to see her, tossing her head back, with a light laughter, enjoying herself.

Those are rare moments. She never allows herself to lower her guard. And now, there she is, opening herself, without being afraid of risking anything.

Without breaking eye contact, she places your hands on her knees, helping you spread them.

You follow her lead, and adjust your own body, positioning yourself between her legs. Lying on your chest, with your head close to her inner thighs, you pull her closer, placing her hips against your shoulders and grasping them firmly, causing her to smirk.

Your tongue trails the inner portions of her lower body, leaving her in a breathless gripping of sheets. She closes her eyes for a moment, feeling your every move.

Nothing started yet, but Lottie already gasps with your teasing.

You continue to make your way inwards, until you concentrate on only one spot. The stroking of your tongue is constant, and light, at first.

She grunts at the touch of your mouth on her wet skin. The more she moans, the deeper you go, digging your fingers on her legs, pressing her lower body on your mouth.

Her voice becomes whispers of pleading, and she scoops your hair out of the way, so she has a better vision of your mouth working on her, hungrily.

Her hips roll from time to time, against your tongue, teasing a groan from you. You feel her melting in your tongue, her shuddering legs ans twitching stomach making you grin, triumphant. She clasps the bedsheet, grunting your name as you bury your face even deeper into her.

Holding you in place, crying out, Lottie tumbles into bliss, breathlessly chuckling with the pressure from your mouth on her.

You continue working your tongue, until you hear her laughing.

“Stop, stop. That tickles!”

She tries to hold your head, but you get control of her wrists, going in, until she’s not laughing anymore.

“Oh… that feels good…”

You stroke her sensitive skin, feeling the layers so drenched, she drips on the bed. Hoisting herself up, Lottie straights her back, sitting up, staring at you. Cupping your chin, she kisses you deeply, pulling you closer.

“It’s my turn… let me do that to you.”

“Not today Lottie.”

A deflated look spreads across her face. “What? Why?”

“Today is just for you. We’ll have plenty of time for you to learn, but I think it’s already a huge deal what happened just now.” You graze your knuckles on her temples, fondly.

“Really?”

“Yeah… baby steps. Don’t worry about that right now. This was the first time you ever had a girl doing that on you.”

“True, but, I really wanna do that on you too… I think.”

You embrace her, holding her tightly, feeling her chest rising against yours. You stroke her hair, to see beads of sweat on her forehead. Sitting together, you put one lock of hair behind her ear.

“I think you letting this happen in the first place is already overwhelming enough. Trust me. You might be thinking you have to do it to me.” You glide your palm on her knee. “Give it some time. To see if you really want it. Don’t force yourself in the moment.”

“I think you’re right. It might be for the best. I’m not sure if I…”

“I know. Don’t worry yourself. Take this as it is. A fun moment between you and a very, very hot girl.”

She laughs. “You are pretty fit!”

“I know, right?” you smile tenderly at her, to give more reinsurance. “We can pick up from here next time. Seriously.”

A phone buzzes inside one of the coats. She rushes to pick it up, answering the call. “I’m gonna take this… I’ll be right back.”

She steps outside, taking the call. You find your suitcase and go through it, looking for something more comfortable to wear.

“Sorry, it was my mom. She was worried about me.”

“Is she there, on the outside?” you undress yourself, putting your dress on one of the chairs.

“No, she couldn’t travel. It’s just…I forgot to call her.” Her gaze follows your movements, a little unsure.

“That is very irresponsible, young lady.”

She laughs. “I got a little distracted. Can you, from all people, blame me?” Lottie sits on the bed, propping on her elbows with a grin.

You point to the bed. “Hey, I’m gonna lie down…” you trail off.

She quickly gets up, picking her clothes up from the floor. “Oh, right. I’ll just… go to my room. Don’t worry!”

“Erm, Lottie…?” you look at her, moving to the door. “That was my way of asking you to sleep here.”

She raises her brows, pleasantly surprised. You continue. “That is… if you want to.”

“Yeah! I mean…yeah. I want to…yeah.” She facepalms. You approach her, looking her in the eye and giving her a reassuring smile.

“Cool. Come here.” You guide her to the head of the bed, and you both lie down, facing each other.

“Can I just say one thing, Lottie?”

“Yeah.”

You lean in, with a smug smile. “You taste amazing.

She shakes her head, smirking, a little more relaxed. Leaning in, her whisper is close to your lips. “I bet you taste amazing, too.”

“Maybe one day, you’ll get a sample.”

“Looking forward to it…”

You pull the duvet to cover both of you, letting her rest her head on your chest, caressing her arms.

“Good night Lottie.”

“Good night…”

She’s comfortably drifting off, and suddenly…

Her snoring.

“Gary wasn’t joking…”

You roll her, slowly facing her to the other side, spooning her with your arms, protectively embracing her. She stirs, but the snoring stops.

You chuckle under your breath, closing your eyes.


	2. Ghosted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the night you spent together, Lottie seem to be gone from all social media and out of reach. Chelsea calls you with big news, about your friends from the show, and doesn't seem to know what's happening either.

You’re at your apartment, browsing through your phone, trying to resist the whole social media stalking bit. But she hasn’t called, and it’s been four weeks now. You received “Congratulations” messages from plenty of people. Everybody seems to forget the awkward fact that you decided to keep the money and dump your partner.

Your phone chimes. Chelsea’s name appears on the screen.

“Hello?”

“Oh my god, hun!! Hi!” she sounds perky.

“Hey, Chels! How are you?”

“I’m good! I’m calling because I decided where the party is gonna be…”

“The Reunion party, you mean? Already?”

“Yeah, hun! It’s gonna be amazing!”

No offense, but I don’t miss you guys that much!” you can sense she’s frowning through the phone. “If at all.”

“Ok, hot shot! But it’s not gonna be now. It’s in a few months. I’m just calling everyone to make sure all of us will be available by then.”

“Right…”

“There’s only one problem.” her voice goes weak.

“There’s always a problem…”

“Well, this time, it’s about you.”

“Have you noticed it’s always about me? I’m a trouble magnet. It seems like the writers of the story of my life don’t even like me!”

“Well… then, I guess they really don’t… your ex is offering the house.”

“I’m sorry! I thought you said you were calling to invite me to a party in my ex’s house.”

“Well…” she trails off.

“Isn’t that “kick in the teeth” fantastic?”

“Whoa…ok. It’s a lot to ask, but maybe by then, you two could be friends.” she stresses the word “friends”.

“Friends?!”

“Not enemies, at least…”

“Chelsea! It’s been two weeks! I don’t think I can attend a party at h….”

“I know, I know. But think about it. We’re trying to decide if it’s going to be on Halloween or Christmas. And the majority is gonna choose!” her voice goes up and high again.

“I don’t think I can go, Chels… sorry.”

“But we can choose Halloween! Come on… it’s gonna be fun!”

“Please… it’s gonna be a true massacre!”

“So, we’re in theme!” she claps.

“Oh, my days Chels.”

“Just, think about it, ok?”

“Halloween, you say?” you play with the papers on your desk, fiddling with the ends of the leaves.

“Yeah… and it’s not like you must talk to them. You just have to say hello, and then, disappear. Catch up with the others, stay out of their way.”

“Huh, suddenly I feel like a plague…!”

No, I didn’t mean it like that. But who knows how it’s gonna be until then, right?

Right. Chels… let me ask you something.” You wonder if you should ask about Lottie.

“Shoot!”

“Have you called a lot of people already?”

“Yeah! You’re the last one on my list!”

“Jeez, thanks!” you say, deflated.

“You know I always save the best for last, hun!” Chelsea’s voice goes a little more serious. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, I was wondering if you talked to Lottie.”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Cool, and…? Did you guys talk for a long time?”

“She didn’t pick up. It went straight to voicemail. I’m gonna try tomorrow. I’m sure she’s gonna love the theme!!” she giggles.

“At least she’s ghosting everyone” you think to yourself.

“Do you think something happened, Chels?”

“I don’t know, but I talked to Gary, and apparently…” it sounds like she’s cupping her mouth. “…they broke up!”

“Wow, really?” you don’t lie too well.

“Yeah, apparently, she moved on from trying to stay with him. It’s so weird. She was so into him back then, right? So protective and aggressive about it! Remember when Hannah came back?”

“Don’t remind me. Between her, Jo, Blake and Hope, I can’t decide which one I like the least.” Your fingers run on the extreme sides of your desk, playing randomly.

“Well, probably Jo, right?”

“Ah! You know me so well, babes!” you sigh.

She squeals and laughs. “Soooo, can I count you in?”

You take a deep breath, imagining the ways you can get out of it, once the party date approaches. “Fine, Chels! But… if someone needs to talk to me, you’ll be the liaison.”

“Absolutely! I’m your bra, girl! I’ll be there for you!”

“And if Lottie calls you back, let me know?”

“Why…?” She has a confused tone to her voice, but also a suspicious hint. “She’s your friend… why isn’t she picking up?”

“I…I have her…erm…necklace. And she wanted back. But I can’t get hold of her. If I could, I would know why she’s not picking up other calls…!”

“Aham… necklace. Ok. Since when Lottie borrows her things?” you can just picture Chelsea gripping her own waist with her brows, furrowed.

“It’s a very expensive one, ok? She let me borrow at the afterparty, but I couldn’t… give it back.”

“Alright. Fine. Don’t tell me… bra.”

“That’s a cheap shot!” you sigh. “It’s something to talk about in person, anyway.”

“Well, I’ll never be in town, so are you sure you don’t wanna talk about it now?”

“I’m sure…but hey. How is it going with…?”

She cuts you short, not even letting you finish his name. “Done! We broke up.” a lot of determination on her voice.

“Really? Just like that?”

“Don’t sound so surprised, hun. It just wasn’t meant to be.”

“I guess none of us was.” you stare at your laptop.

“Probably not. But I got a great friend out of that mess, so I’m not complaining.”

“You mean me, right?” you place a hand on your heart.

“Of course! Who else?”

“I know, I’m such a good friend.” You grin to yourself, but she knows exactly how your face looks like, now.

“Yes, and very humble, too! Listen, I gotta hang up. Talk to you soon?”

“Sure! Hey Chels?”

“Yeah?”

“I miss you, hun.”

“I know!” she chuckles.

“Chelsea!”

“Let me finish! I miss you too, babes.”

“Later Bra.”

“Later!”

You place your phone on the desk, fiddling with your hair bands.

Bored, you need to get out of the apartment. Grabbing your keys, credit card and phone, you wander on the street of your building, heading to the café around the corner, thinking of your options.

You look down at your messages tab, tapping on the screen, distracted. Someone bumps into you. As you turn to apologize, you see her green eyes, staring at you.

“Hey.” she awkwardly waves, even though you’re a foot apart from each other.

“Hi.” you respond, determined.

“So… what a coincidence you’re here…” she smiles, shyly, gesturing to the street.

“I live here, Lottie.”

“Right… yeah. Erm… were you going somewhere?”

“To the café.” you point to the door, a couple of buildings ahead.

“Oh, do you mind if I join you?”

“That depends. Are you gonna say something on the way or leave me hanging?”

Her cheeks turn her signature beetroot red. She doesn’t know how to respond. Tilting her head, and stuttering, she restarts the conversation. “I came here to talk to you, actually.”

“Lucky me.” you start walking and she follows, trying to keep up with your pace.

“I’m in town for an event.”

“Didn’t ask why you’re in town.”

“Oh… right. Of course.” she puts a strand of hair behind her ear. “I was just making small talk.”

You stop suddenly, staring at her. “Why don’t you just tell me what you wanted to say, so we can go our separate ways?”

“Wow! I’m… look… I can’t blame you for treating me like this, but let me explain.”

“Fine.” You fold your arms over your chest. “Go ahead.”

Lottie looks at your surroundings, wincing. “Not here… somewhere private, maybe?”

You start walking back to your place. Her gaze follows you, confused.

“Follow me, Lottie.”

“Oh, right…thanks.” She catches up, walking side by side with you, her eyes roaming on your temples and hair.

You two enter the building, catching the elevator, dead silent. From time to time, she looks at you, opening her mouth to speak, but closing it again, without saying anything.

You unlock the door, gesturing for her to go in. As she does, you close the door behind you, sitting on the couch, putting your keys and credit card on the coffee table.

She sits next to you, gingerly, trying to look at you, but you avoid her eyes, arms crossed, looking at your own lap.

She starts speaking, a bashful tone to her voice. “So.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s a really nice place you’ve got here.” Her gaze follows the furniture to the art pieces hanging on the walls.

“Yeah.”

“Please say something else, besides “yeah”.”

“No.”

“That’s something, I suppose.”

“Are you gonna say what you came here to say or…?” you look at her, quizzically and shrugging with low energy.

“Right. Erm…” she stutters, lacing her finger together and placing her hands on her lap. “I wanna apologize to you.”

“Apologize? You didn’t do anything wrong…”

“Ok, no need for irony, I know you’re mad.”

“I’m not mad… I’m disappointed.”

“Even worse. Way worse.” she shifts on her seat, turning to face you. “I’m sorry for not calling, or not contacting you in any way.” She searches for your eyes.

“Are you?”

“Of course! We were so close in the Villa, but I didn’t know how to talk to you, after what happened. I should’ve called, or.. I-I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted. Can you leave, now?” you gesture to the door, getting up.

“Come on… please listen to what I have to say.”

You cross your arms, even tighter, sitting down again. Even though you’re upset, you still want to hear what Lottie came to say. Not looking at her directly, you continue quiet. Her voice shakes a little, but she continues.

“I’m sorry… I just… I got scared. I didn’t know how to act after what happened between us.”

“So, you just left and never called. Mature. Go on.”

“I was confused… I didn’t know how to treat you. How I was supposed to talk to you after that. And to top it all off, it was my first time with a girl!” she throws her arms.

“I get that, Lottie. I get that, big time! But if we were really friends, why couldn’t you just tell me how you felt? Aren’t you a big advocate for speaking the truth? Being honest? What happened to that?”

“Like I said… I was confused. I panicked!”

“And for your “panic”, you waited four weeks to talk to me? Were you in panic for four straight weeks? Every minute of every day?!”

“No… I was avoiding the issue, trying not to think about you.”

“I guess you succeeded then!” you roll your eyes.

She stops fiddling with the rim of her top, speaking with a deflated tone. “No… I didn’t. when I got back to Melbourne, all I could think about was how I left things. It was immature of me to leave the hotel room like that. I’m sorry. Truly sorry.”

You sit there, silent. She continues talking, playing with her bracelets.

“I wanted to see you again, after I left, but I couldn’t. I got a few gigs, thanks to the show. And to apologize over the phone, I thought it was best to have a clear schedule and apologize in person. This is the first opportunity I had to fly here.”

She crosses her legs, to play with the scrapes of her dark jeans.

The thing is… I’ve been thinking about you, a lot… and that night we had. But I needed to figure everything out. What I was gonna say, before talking to you in person. I’ve been staying in a hotel room, for the past two days, trying to build up the courage to talk to you.”

“Here you are.”

“Here I am… I know it probably doesn’t matter what I did or didn’t do. You don’t care about the reasons why I didn’t call, I guess. You just care about the fact that I didn’t. And I understand that. If you don’t wanna talk to me again, ever, just know this.”

She places her hand on your upper arm.

I like you a lot. We were friends there, and after that kiss, I thought I was going crazy. I never considered being with a girl before, and there you were. The hottest girl I’ve ever met, wanting to kiss me, wanting to spend the night with me. And all I thought after was “there’s no way she wants me here. I should just leave.” I couldn’t deal with so many doubts at the time.”

You sigh, toying with the tears of your jeans. She keeps going, her voice a little softer.

“And if you want me to go away, I’ll understand. I will. Couldn’t blame you, even if I wanted to.” a couple of tears roll down on her cheek. “But I really need you to know that I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was feeling really lost, and I’m sorry. I really am…”

She gets up from her seat, walking toward the door, but glances back at you, one last time, expectantly.

After a long moment, you get up, stopping her from leaving.

“Sit.” you nod to the couch with a serious frown.

“Ok.” she looks at you, confused, as she moves to take a seat.

You sigh before speaking. “Look, I get it! You were confused, and I can’t hold that against you. It takes balls to come here, and apologize to me, in person.”

You bite your inner lip. “So, I forgive you. I understand.”

“That’s…”

“I’m not finished.” You raise a finger, cutting her short.

“Sorry.”

“The point is… I’ve been where you are. Confused about this whole thing. But Lottie… this was a stupid decision. We shouldn’t have had that night together.”

“What? Why?” her eyes go wide.

“Look at us. We are not even friends anymore. We haven’t talked since that night, and you’re feeling obligated to apologize, and I don’t even know how you feel about that.”

“No! This is not about obligation.” Lottie shuts her eyes on thought, turning to prop her head on her hand, on the backrest. “It’s about me missing you as a friend and as…” She stops herself.

“And as… what?” you look at her, anxious.

“And as… someone that I spent the night with… I don’t know how to call that.”

“One-night stand. That’s what you call it.” you squint.

“That’s on me. You know… the entire time I was home, I missed you. I wanted to call you to give you my good news, and I couldn’t.”

“Yeah, you’re a dumbass.”

“Hey!”

You shrug, grinning. She plays with the ends of her hair, speaking in a lower voice. “I guess I am a dumbass. But I swear, it wasn’t on purpose.”

“It never is. It’s your dumbass nature.”

She rolls her eyes but can’t help a smile. You continue, your tone a little more relaxed. “Let’s just, leave that behind us. It’s not worth it to reminisce about the whole thing.”

“Just know, you don’t have to forgive and forget… like, I’ll understand if it’s too difficult. If I was a guy, you’d probably not even hear the excuses.”

“If you were a guy, you’d be in the same place!”

“Ouch.” She holds back a grin.

“But… like I said, I get it.”

She grabs your hand and squeezes it. “There’s one thing I wanted to ask you that night, but I never could.”

You raise your brows, expectant. “What’s that?”

She takes a deep breath and continues. “I wanna take you on a date. Like a real date. Food, alcohol, dumb stories, pets who dies when you were 14. Deep talk. The whole thing.” Her eyes have a gleam as she waits for your answer.

“You wanna take me on a date? A romantic date?”

“Yes! A romantic date, between two really hot girls. And the first really likes the other, even though the other is probably too pissed off to say yes.”

“Wow.” you look at her, taken aback, licking your lips. “You’re asking me out.”

“I am… asking you out. If there’s one thing I’m sure, is that you and I were a great team back then. And you’re the only girl I wanna take on a date.”

You stare at her, in disbelief. “Did you actually come to my place, to apologize and ask me out on a date?” you tilt your head, expecting her answer.

“Yeah… I did.”

Your eyes go wide, you look at your hand in hers. She moves closer to you.

“If this helps you decide… whatever the result is, I’ll accept it.”

She cups your chin, leaning in, her dark lips inches from yours. You’re close. Close enough to see her freckles peeking through her light foundation. Her eyes roam on your face, stopping on yours, squinting lightly.

She closes the distance, mumbling in whisper form. Her lips touch yours, softly.

You’re hesitant at first but can’t resist much longer. The scent of sandalwood is suddenly in your nose. You remember the night you had at the hotel, and as the memories of Lottie flood your mind, as you deepen the kiss, gripping the side of her face.

She’s much more confident, circling your waist with her arms and pulling you closer. A light hum escapes her throat as the kiss goes deeper. A scent of cotton flower emanates from her hair, catching your senses as you run your hand on the back of her head, twining your fingers in a few strands.

You two pull away, catching your breath, foreheads touching. She has a light sheen of red on soft cheeks, making her smile at you, bashfully.

You can’t help but smile back.

Lottie gets up from the couch, walking toward the door, your gaze following her every move.

“I’ll pick you up tonight. 7 o’clock?”

“Lottie, I didn’t say yes.”

She bites her thumb, staring back at you. “Your lips just did.”

She gives you a cheeky wink, closing the door behind her.


	3. The Final Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lottie and you have been dating for the past several months, and now it's the time for her to take a job in the UK, as an embassador of a makeup brand.  
> That's been the plan for the last couple of months, and she's renting a place close to yours.  
> You couldn't be happier that your girlfriend is moving closer to you.  
> All that is left now is a decision for you to make.  
> A decision that can change your entire relationship.

It’s been a few months since you and Lottie are trying to explore your relationship. It was hard because of the distance, but if there’s one thing you wanna do right now, is to try and make it work.

Everything else is aligned. Your projects are in place, as your studying and working are. You were determined to make this work.

And soon enough, your determination was about to pay off.

For the longest seven months, you have been visiting each other. Either you go to Melbourne, or she comes to London. But always trying to keep the rhythm, so this would have a proper chance to work.

It was hard, but it was working. Some of your friends wouldn’t see you for weeks. Some of hers wouldn’t hear from her. She couldn’t leave her steady job, and you couldn’t leave yours.

But sometimes, things can get really hard.

And sometimes, they fix themselves with time.

Lottie got a steady job, just outside of the capital, in England. A multinational wanted to expand their makeup line, and who better than the famous makeup artist, from Love Island, to help make that happen? Under the spotlight because of your relationship, beautiful girl, up for the challenge to make the company’s name rise in the UK?

It’s a fantastic opportunity for her as a professional, and for you both, as girlfriends.

Sometimes, your mind wanders about the time in the Villa and how you and her weren't exactly close as friends. But now you know why.

Attraction.

And the night you and Lottie had, after the Finale, only confirmed what she knew for a while but was too afraid to admit. What she felt, and knew you both had, together.

Chemistry.

But like some say, when you have chemistry, you only need one more thing.

Timing.

~~

Lottie waits for you in your living room. She’s impatient, looking at her phone from time to time, checking the clock.

She hears your footsteps on the hallway, heading to the stairs. You can hear the tapping of her heels, as she waits impatiently for you.

You appear on the first steps, showing off your look. Her gaze follows you, mesmerized.

“Whoa… I don’t think we can get in the restaurant…” she points to you. “…with you, dressed like that.”

Her eyes study your outfit. Not that there’s much to study. Your off-white bralette, with feathery edges, makes her cheeks flush. A mischievous smile takes place on her dark lips when she notices the bottoms, in the same fabric, making her jaw drop.

You place a hand on your waist, posing against the rail, to show the complete outfit, speaking with a smug tone to your voice.

“You were saying?”

“I can’t… remember.”

She hisses with desire when she notices your curves, perfectly enveloped by the light fabric.

“Do you like it, Lottie?”

She opens her mouth to speak, but it’s hard to formulate a phrase.

“I-I…” she stutters.

“Yes?” You stare at her eyes, visibly in a position of power.

“I really, really hate white…” she trails off. “But on you, it’s just…”

She licks her lips, her brow raising suggestively. “It looks great on you.”

“Hm…” You look down at your own body. “That’s a shame.”

“Why?”

You approach her, striding confidently, then leaning in her ear, your voice low and breathy.

“I was hoping you hated it.”

Lottie shuts her eyes, listening to your velvety voice teasing her. “Why…?”

“So you would tear it apart… with anger.” You pull away, shrugging. “Shame…”

“Wait… we can work it out… I can still tear it! It’s not work at all.”

“No, you already said you liked it. And you were complaining about reservations, so…” you tap your wrists, indicating an imaginary watch, hissing with disappointment.

She looks at you, taken aback, as you walk towards the couch, following you. “You’re mean...”

Her hand brushes on yours, and she twirls you to face her, staring at your eyes as she continues. “I kinda like when you’re mean to me.”

Her smoldering look gets you lost in thought. You forgot what you were gonna say next.

“Cat got your tongue…?” she whispers.

“Ha… funny…”

Just then, her outfit catches your eye. A black, lace dress, and a revealing neckline, adorned with petite black stones. It’s quite clear neither of you had any desire to make the reservations.

Just like her prom outfit, there’s nothing underneath the black fabric, expect her pale skin.

“And I’m mean?” you nod to her figure, biting your bottom lip. She responds with a flattered smile, but her eyes are filled with fire.

“If you think I look good now, you should see me without it…”

Your eyes close so your imagination can run free, as she approaches to whisper sassy words in your ear. Before she can, you take her hand, leading her to the bedroom. She laughs on the way there, trying to speak.

Between passionate kisses, your clothes slide off from your bodies in a blink. They’re tossed on the floor, between your whispery conversation, going back and forward. She leans in, feeling your lips on her neck.

“We have the reservations…”

“I don’t care.” Your bites move from her neck to her shoulders.

Her voice cracks as she gasps. “But it’s your favorite…”

“You are my favorite… now lie down, Lottie.”

You push her to the mattress, getting her lips to twist with amusement. Your hands explore inch by inch, grazing her warm skin until you decide to sit astride of her.

Your lips roam on her chest, kissing her breasts in turns, teasing a hiss of pleasure from her. You swirl your tongue as her hands grab your head, bringing you closer to kiss you again.

You tease a lick on her lips and let her hang.

“That’s evil…” Lottie moans.

“Then you better remember your safe word, babe.”

She narrows her eyes, fascinated with your attitude, as your hands travel on the side of her legs, lifting them. Her wet skin glistens while you explore her legs.

Lottie props on her elbows, observing your hands travelling from her knees to her inner thighs. You whisper.

“Stay still.”

She gives you a defiant look. “Or what?”

As a response, your fingertip touches her, delicately rubbing her exposed sensitive skin. You don’t break eye contact, watching as she squirms, asking for more.

“Do you like that?”

She nods, but you rub your finger a little more intensely.

“I asked you a question, Lottie.”

She smirks, this time, vocalizing her answer. “Yes. I like it…”

“Do you want me to continue?”

“Yes.”

“Yes… what?” your gaze stays on hers, and your fingers stop. Fighting every urge in her being, she responds.

“Yes… please.”

You let your finger glide in her, leaning in, to whisper closely to her lips.

“Say that again.”

“Yes, please.”

Your smirk makes her shudder as you speak in a low voice. “That’s a good girl.”

You slide between her legs, moving to press your lips on her waistline. Her gaze follows, but as soon as you look at her, she stares at the ceiling.

“Do you wanna watch me, Lottie?”

She nods, still taken aback and annoyed with your attitude. “Yes.”

You sit up on your knees, dragging her by her legs, and pressing them on your chest. Your tongue swipes her soft spot, slowly, making her gasp.

Your eyes stay above her body, boldly looking at her.

“Is this what you want?”

She takes strands from her own hair away from her face, nodding, biting her bottom lip. “Then ask for it.”

She leans forward, whispering. “Please.”

Without saying anything else, your mouth drops on her again, this time, your tongue stroking her wet skin, more firmly. Her eyes follow your moves, burning with desire as she props herself on her hands, tossing her head back.

One of her hands runs on your hair, scooping it away from your face, so you can work on her.

The moves of your mouth go deeper. Your lips and tongue keep moving in circular motions, exploring the layers of her skin, provoking more grunts from Lottie, as she moves against your mouth.

Her thighs glisten as she drips. You pick up the work with your fingers and lick her inner thighs, winking at her.

She smiles, moaning. Her hips move faster, her grunting goes louder with the intensity of your movements. She lifts one leg, resting her foot on the edge of the bed, still, feeling your touch.

Without stopping, you get up from the floor, looking down at her as she continues to plead. Your free hand grabs her hair, pulling it firmly, and your lips find hers.

Before kissing her again, you speak in a low voice.

“Is this how you like it?”

“Yes…”

“Tell me what you want…”

She shakes her head, still rolling her hips on your hand, almost reaching ecstasy.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No!”

“Then tell me what you want.” You speak through your teeth, kissing her cheek. Lottie grabs your thigh, digging her fingers, trying to speak.

“Make me…”

You smile, with a firm voice. “Moan for me, babe.”

Her jaw is exposed when she tosses her head back, eyes rolling with pleasure. You pull her hair harder, leaning in. Her groans ripple through your lips.

She pleads, making you smirk, as her hips roll harder. She can’t finish the words, trembling on your hands.

You lick your lips, looking down at her, appreciating the view of Lottie, in complete surrender, twitching at your touch.

She opens her eyes, to see you’re staring back. With a smile, she gets hold of your hand, licking your fingers, one by one.

You narrow your eyes, still looking at her, as she puts the last one between her lips, sucking it to the tip.

“That’s a really good girl…” you say, watching as her lips wrap around your fingers.

She grins, whispering. “Your turn.”

Lottie gets up from the bed, her chest still twitching.

She positions herself where you were, lying you down on the bed, carefully. Her speech, still slow from recovering her breath, is low in volume.

“Tell me what you want.”

You respond with a grin, gripping her thigh, eyeing it with desire.

“Top me, Lottie.”

She obeys, spreading your legs, kneeling on the mattress. Her legs get intertwined with yours, but before moving, she asks. “How do you want me?”

You look up, admiring her curves, absorbing the vision of her sweaty body standing there, ready to be yours again.

“Move with me.”

She drops her hips on yours, moving slowly. Her glistening skin touches yours, and she holds your leg up, by your ankle. “Like this?”

“It’s a great start.”

Your leg on her shoulder, you look up, admiring the way she slowly picks up the pace. “Move with me, Lottie.”

She nods, now making eye contact, a grin on her lips.

Her hips roll, and so do yours. The sensation of the soft skin sends shivers through your scalp. There’s a warmth on your stomach, butterflies.

It tells you one thing, and one thing only. You move faster, giving yourself to the sore sensation building under your waistline.

You rock hips together, both of her hands holding your leg up, by your ankle. You see the perfect dimples that form between her hip bones and thighs, as she grinds against you, harder.

You moan her name loudly, getting a grip of her hand. She lowers her head, licking the side of your lifted leg, her green, deep eyes on yours.

She rides you vigorously, adjusting to give you the pleasure you deserve. Her thumb touches your sensitive spot, spreading her fingers on your waist. Your crests rise causing your eyes to shut, feeling the sore sensation intensifying the faster she swipes her fingertip on you.

Lottie observes, sliding her fingers in you, continuing her work. You grab the bedsheet, grunting her name.

Your heart beats fast, beads of sweat start forming on your temples.

“Say my name, babe…”

Her voice speaks to you, demanding. She moans with you, your heart racing. “Say my name…”

Your mouth opens, but no sound comes out. Your torso shudders, and you feel yourself dripping on the bed sheet.

Lottie’s fingers move, and you try to plead, but you’re unable. The waves of pleasure ripple through your entire body as you roll your hips on her hand, digging your fingers on her forearm.

“Like that?” She asks, visibly pleased, knowing your answer.

Warmth irradiates from her touch. you shudder, groaning Lottie’s name, loudly, your skin twitching around her fingertips.

You reach peak, holding on to her thigh, trembling as her moves slow down, giving you an opportunity to breathe.

Your sweat drips, on a trail, leaving a small puddle under your back. She speaks in a low, raspy voice.

“I love when your voice does that.”

“Does what?”

She places her thumb on you, observing as you grunt and spasm. “That.”

You grind slower, catching your breath, grinning.

She kisses you, proceeding to lie down by your side, adjusting herself to caress your hair as you catch the rhythm of your breathing.

Facing each other, you share a smile. Her tone is fond and calm. “Now I’m hungry.”

“Can’t blame you. I was the one to eat tonight…”

She slaps your arm playfully, with a disappointed voice. “We can order in, it’s fine… I just wanted to take you on a date…”

“We’ll have plenty of opportunities, Lottie. In the meantime, I don’t think I can get up for now.”

She looks at you with tender eyes. “Me neither.”

Her fingernail scrapes your shoulders, carefully, slowly. Her lips curl into a bashful grin, followed by a sigh. You notice something is out of place.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah… it can wait.”

“What can wait, Lottie?”

“You know…” she has an apprehensive tone to her voice. “The food… I just wanna stay like this for a while.”

“Come here.”

You close the gap between you, pulling her in into an embrace. Her face mere inches of yours, as you both exchange small caressing gestures on each other’s hair.

There’s not a single reason that would make you get up right now. Not even your growling stomach.

The atmosphere in the bedroom is calm. Serene.

The lights from the street illuminate your surroundings, bringing small beams to her colorful hair.

She's right.

It can wait.

~~

In the morning, you wake up to find Lottie’s spot empty. There’s a noise coming from the kitchen, so you go to check.

She has a cape on, her favorite black sheer robe, as she flips a pancake she learnt how to make with Bobby, back in the Villa.

Plenty of ingredients spread across the surface of the kitchen island suggest she’s going big this morning.

You try not to make a noise, getting behind her, gripping her waist as she finishes another flip.

She’s surprised by your voice.

“Good morning.”

“Hey!” she turns to see you, startled. “Good morning… boss.”

“Hm, I like the sound of that.”

She continues pouring more batter, to make more pancakes as you fill the coffee machine with water and your favorite flavored capsules. “What do you want today, babe?”

“Surprise me.” she shrugs.

“What?!” You’re taken aback, staring at her.

“What? Can’t a girl just go with the flow?”

“Well… yeah. Any girl can. Not you though!” you gesture to her.

“Oh, stop it…” Even though she grins, there’s a hint of worry in her eyes.

“Lottie?” you move to take the spatula off her hand, looking at her expectantly, turning off the stove flames. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” She tries to chuckle with surprise, but you see right through her.

“I can see you’re worried about something. What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing. It can wait.”

You place the spatula on the sink, next to the stove, rolling the sleeves of your robe and folding your arms, determined. “No. Last night was… amazing. But right after, you were a little…”

You lick your lips, with an ascertained sigh. “Off. Just a little, but enough to worry me.”

“No. I mean it. It can wait.”

You look up, biting the inside of your lip, now impatiently taking a deep breath. “Lottie. Tell me. You know you can tell me anything.”

Her eyes wander on the kitchen window in front of her. “Seriously, it can wait.”

“But last night you were…”

“Just drop it!!”

Her voice bolts from her chest as she slaps the surface, propping on her hands.

“Ok. Sorry.” You raise your hands, defensively. Lottie sighs in defeat, turning and taking a seat by the island. She takes a long breath, looking at you as you take a seat, in front of her.

“I…”

Her black fingernails scratch her forehead as she prepares herself to speak. “I got a job offer.”

“That’s great! I mean…” you notice her face crumpling. “It’s great… right?”

“Usually? Yeah… but…” She folds her arms, crossing her legs. “It’s… as a personal stylist.”

Your lips curve into a smile, already feeling proud for her. This is something she wanted to pursue for a while, and it would be a great opportunity.

“That’s fantastic! Isn’t it the reason why you went on so many interviews after the Villa?”

“Well, yes.”

You grin with excitement, hugging her, proudly. As you pull away, your grin stays, intact on your lips. “I’m so happy for you!”

“Yeah. Happy.”

Your first reaction was to be happy for her. Maybe too soon.

“The job is… in the US.”

Her words resonate.

“Did you say… the U.S?”

“Yeah.” It feels like her voice is filled with shame after she takes a deep breath. “Someone really liked my style. They asked for me…”

She rubs her temples, biting her inner lip. “…personally.”

“That’s…” You slump on your chair, your eyes lost.

The images of her contract in London, the makeup brand, her willing to take the job, to stay close to you. They all float in your head, right before your eyes.

It was so close.

Too close.

You can’t disguise how defeated you feel. She notices, and reaches for your hand, but it doesn’t feel reassuring. “I’m sorry.” her voice cracks.

“No… don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong, Lottie.”

“But… I got this offer last week and I still… I haven’t said anything.” She pauses, giving you a hint of hope. “I have until the end of the week to respond.”

After a quick glance, you furrow your brows. “You mean, tomorrow?”

“Yeah…” her voice fades quickly.

You get up from your seat, rubbing your temples. She waits for you to speak first, but you don’t. her gaze follows as you pace from the kitchen island to the sink, unable to speak first.

It takes her a couple of moments to restart the conversation.

“I’m not usually the kind of girl that asks their boyf…” she cuts herself short, sighing. “Their partner what to do… but…”

She gets up, standing in front of you. “But I’m asking you.”

“What?” you’re taken aback, eyes going wide.

“What should I do?”

“No… no…” you shake your head, perching your lips.

She tilts hers to the side, expectantly. Your eyes roaming the room, glistening. “Lottie… you’re the one who should make this decision. Not me.”

“Please… help me figure this out.”

“Lottie. It’s… it’s your dream job.”

“Yeah, but you’re my dream…” she looks up for a couple of seconds. “…person.”

You chuckle sadly, shaking your head. “I can’t make this decision for you.”

“Why not?” she furrows her brows.

“Because…!” You stop, mid pacing, staring at her, gesturing wildly. “You have to weigh the good, the bad and the dirty… think about your options… your gains and…” you look down, at your feet. “… your losses.”

“I’ve tried everything!”

“Please, don’t say tea leaves or crystals!”

“Done! And done!”

You shut your eyes with annoyance, placing a hand on your forehead. “Lottie! It’s an important decision…”

“Yeah, I know!”

“And you were willing to trust on tea leaves? Crystals?!”

“Look, just because you don’t believe…”

“It’s not about that! You’re a fucking adult!”

She stares at you, taken aback, blinking away tears. You try to remedy your last sentence. “I mean… you have to make the decision, not let fate do it…”

“I thought you didn’t believe in fate.” her arms fold on her chest.

“Doesn’t matter what I believe in… deep down, you already know what to do. You just don’t wanna look me in the eye and say it!”

“That’s not fair!”

You throw your arms. “Lottie. You know what you want.”

“No, I don’t!” her lip quivers.

“Yes!” you take her hands. “You do.”

She stares at the ground, shaking her head, her voice weak. “It’s unfair.”

You lick your lips with a frustrated sigh, fighting back stubborn tears. “I know it is…”

“I’m sorry!”

The heels of your palms wipe your eyes as you exhale sharply. Your voice comes out, trembling. “Don’t apologize… just because you wanna do something for yourself, doesn’t mean you need to be sorry about it.”

She chuckles bitterly. “It’s just… we’ve only been together for a few months. It’s too late to just walk away, but…”

You cut her before she finishes her sentence. “It’s too soon for a big step. Yeah…”

Her gaze roams on your face, desperately looking for a solution. “So, what do we do?”

You shake your head, shrugging.

There’s no right answer. No practical solution.

There’s Lottie and you, and a decision that needs to be made.

“You were gonna move here.”

“I was.” Her tears roll on her crimson cheeks.

“You were.” you clench your jaw, swiping your forearm on your eyes, tears streaming down on both of your faces. “You said it yourself, Lottie. You were.”

“No.” Her head is tossed back, to avoid her watering eyes from giving in, even more.

You continue, folded arms, avoiding eye contact. “Like I said. You already made your decision.”

“It’s not like that.”

“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, Lottie! You said yourself. You were gonna move to London! And now you’re not. Not anymore!”

You lower your eyes, sniffing. “You’re not. It’s best to just rip the band aid.”

She takes a deep breath, biting her bottom lip, as her chest rises and falls rapidly. “So… this is it? We end things… just like that?”

You turn your face away, not letting her see the mist forming in your eyes.

Lottie takes a deep breath, turning on her heel, heading upstairs, leaving the kitchen in silence.

Your head keeps visiting every moment from the last seven months. Every perky “hi” and every sad “bye” or “see you next week”. All the times she picked you up at the airport and took you to her place.

The weird shaped sofa, the black crystals chandelier and her tarot collections displayed on top of her fireplace.

The first time you saw Lottie, being vulnerable, surrendering herself to you. The night you spent at the hotel, after the party with your friends.

You were her first girl.

In seven months, there were sweet words just as much as there were harsh. Not one of them was as harsh as the phrase “I was”.

The moment that sentence escaped her mouth was sudden, but you knew. You don’t need to search your heart, to understand. Lottie didn’t need a solution.

She needed your approval.

A few minutes later, she comes back to the kitchen, her bag in hand, fully dressed. Her face recovers the paleness, taking the place of her beetroot red cheeks.

You wipe under your eyes, grabbing the back of your neck, avoiding any glances. She searches for your eyes, but you don’t look directly at her.

It was already painful to see her go, knowing she would be back.

You wouldn’t be able to take seeing her go, for good.

Her voice cracks, between sniffs. “So… I guess I better get going then…”

Your gaze roams to the opposite direction. You don’t wanna see her sad, and she doesn’t need to see you angry. Your response is cold, but necessary. “You should.”

She sniffs, nodding slowly as your words sink in, shifting on her feet as she waits for something more.

But that was your last sentence.

A minute later, the front door clicks.

She’s gone.


End file.
